Trial by Fire

As a new lawyer working as a public defender in Colorado, I learned some of my most important lessons about integrity, and about myself. One unforgettable lesson came unexpectedly on an exceptionally hot summer day. I had around 30 files and clients to speak with that day before court, each representing a complex and personal story.

At the time, and at the risk of revealing my age, we didn’t have the conveniences of modern technology like iPads or iPhones. I was burdened with a hefty stack of paper files with hundreds of pages of discovery spilling over the edges. Clad in high heels too high for walking up the small hill to the courthouse, I felt the heels sinking into the dirt with each step I took.  I trudged up to court nonetheless, not wanting to waste precious gas on the short circular route to the courthouse.

Arriving at the courthouse, I began to address my clients, one by one, but with a quick pace that was required for the situation. The courtroom was remarkably packed; unlike any other day that week or even, that month. My colleague mentioned that the judge was moving swiftly through the cases and delay would not be tolerated well, or at all, by the revered judge. I felt a sudden feeling of overwhelm, and the temperature in the courtroom seemed to rise considerably.  I waited for my case to be called and was relieved when, out of the fifteen clients I had yet to speak to, the Court called a matter I felt was an easy one.

Approaching the podium, I felt confident. However, this confidence quickly turned to regret. I had, in my optimism, underestimated my client’s criminal history and, in turn, failed to fact check and prepare appropriately. I was shocked to discover that my client had been arrested the day before.  I was unaware of that salient fact.  The result was a serious scolding in front of over a hundred people including my colleagues —a moment that left me feeling incredibly embarrassed and disheartened. I felt the comments were indeed deserved, though the sting of the situation was lasting.

This experience was a critical turning point for me. The lesson was clear: integrity in law is not just about maintaining ethical standards but also about honesty, thorough preparation, trustworthiness, and respect for the responsibility we carry and owe to the court. I vowed to never make such a mistake again. I spent nights and weekends with a considerable case-load fact-checking and researching even the smallest of facts. But, the work always paid off. I learned how to build a case on accurate facts; not shifty word-weaving.

Years later, having represented clients in about five trials before the same revered judge with very high success, I was called into his chambers. He was retiring soon; and I was moving to Minnesota.  We had a moment of what I considered mutual respect. I brought up that early summer day in court and he remembered it. I let him know that that day was both  incredibly valuable, and incredibly painful. He added: You have a long successful career ahead. There will be challenges, and choices as an advocate. Do not risk your safety or your law license on any case. It is not worth it.

As the years passed, his words came true.  I was faced with many hard calls as the two paths diverged in the woods. I was asked many times to set integrity aside, and I said no. Sometimes, the right decision came with a cruel penalty; such as a lawsuit for withdrawing from a client’s matter.

However easy the easy route may seem, it is but a mirage in the desert. Once you get there swiftly by compromising integrity, the heat is unbearable, there’s a hundred eyes and ears, your colleagues, and a revered judge waiting.

My office prides itself on integrity; the commitment to the truth, authenticity, and justice for our clients no matter how big or small their case. We have expanded our offerings to include civil matters so that our integrity, and authenticity, can shine in any courtroom on any day.